polygamy harms women in Nigeria
A Nigerian woman, formerly practising Islam, has spoken out against polygamy, describing it as “a twisted cycle of hate towards women and superiority by feeble men”. After her own traumatic experience, she shared a candid reflection of how the system betrayed her and many women like her.
She recounted that religion and social expectations pressured her into accepting polygamy — despite knowing in her heart that it was not what she wanted. In her own words, “I never liked it. Deep down I knew it wasn’t for me but I did it anyway.” She explained that the doctrine around marriage in her faith framed rejection of polygamy as defiance of divine will, making her feel she had no choice.
The deception began when her husband, whom she met abroad, presented himself as a devout, monogamy-minded man. He assured her he would never take another wife because she had made clear she was not open to that. But later, he invoked religious permission for polygamy to justify taking another wife — telling her his faith allowed it, and that he was no longer bound by his promise. Eventually she discovered he had been married before and had not disclosed it, admitting the deception only after she became pregnant and felt trapped.
In her analysis, this scenario reflected a broader pattern: men using religious sanction for polygamy as a tool of dominance rather than an arrangement of mutual agreement and respect. She said the system empowered men under the guise of rights, while women were conditioned into silence and compliance. She portrayed it as “a twisted cycle of hate towards women and superiority by feeble men” — pointing out that their entitlement comes with minimal accountability. This insight aligns with academic commentary that men often interpret polygamy as a symbol of superiority and that women bear its burdens.
Her story also raises critical questions about consent, fairness, emotional safety, and the realisation of rights within marriage. While polygamy is permitted in her religious tradition, she argues that the ideals of justice, equality, and transparency are seldom upheld. She felt that her feelings were invalidated and her preferences disregarded because she was a woman. The overarching consequence, she says, is not love, mutual growth or shared life—but rather a structure in which women are expected to submit while men wield privilege.
Her voice adds to the growing discourse in Nigeria about the realities behind polygamous relationships — some advocate for it as viable if entered consciously and fairly, but many women highlight the harm, discrimination and emotional toll it produces. She said her own journey has changed her perspective on what marriage and respect should look like, and she now rejects being silenced in the name of culture or religion.
